


Of Friendships and Rituals

by TheEternalEmpress



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Nijimura is just mentioned, No pairings - Freeform, Silly, Teikou Era, crack-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 17:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEternalEmpress/pseuds/TheEternalEmpress
Summary: "Jesus christ, Akashi, if you want us to chant with you, you have to break your sentences; no-one can repeat a run-on sentence" Aomine said, withholding 'you idiot' at the back of his tongue. (In which the Miragen perform a ritual to immortalize their friendship and Akashi needs a psychiatrist). Crack-fic. GoM just being silly creatures.





	Of Friendships and Rituals

"Are you guys sure this is safe? I mean, what if this is just a ritual to summon Sadako?" Kise muttered as he held onto the flashlight like a bat. He looked like he was ready to swing it at any moment's notice, if he were to be surprised by a someone who'd like to see the face of a spooked-out model. Unfortunately, that exact person was Aomine.

"Ow, what the fuck Kise!" Aomine shouted, clutching his hurt nose. "I think you broke it, asshole!"

"It's not my fault I come creeping at someone's back at a time like this!" Kise whined. In the corner of the room, Kuroko felt like he was insulted.

"Quiet down, you two. We're not supposed to be here." Midorima said. "And where is Akashi? He told us to come here 30 minutes ago..."

"Tch. Typical of Akashi. Makes us come at school in the middle of the freaking night for a ritual?! What are we, a basketball occult? It's not like we have a teammate who consults the TV horoscope like it's a message from god!" Midorima glared behind Aomine.

"Stop insulting my hobbies, you ganguro."

"What the hell did you just say?"

Murasakibara gulps the last of his chips. "Aka-chin is here," and everyone falls silent.

"Good night everyone, or should I say, good morning?" No-one laughed at Akashi's joke. No one knew it was a joke. Not like Akashi would tell them; he would make it awkward for him if he'd tell them he was joking. Because if he told that he was joking, everyone would be forced to laugh and he'll feel bad, and it will become awkward.

"Why are we here?" Aomine asked; very brave, and no sense of adventure in his bones. He had been rudely awakened after all by Satsuki's screams. In the corner of the room, Momoi clung to Kuroko like a life line, saying 'Tetsu-kun, save me from the ghosts, okay?', but Aomine knew better that Momoi was never terrified of ghosts and it was him who was deathly terrified of them. Not that he'd tell any one in this room. Except for Tetsu. Because he knew his partner secretly likes spooking people. And he was a victim of it.

Akashi chuckled. "To perform the famous Teiko club ritual, of course. Everyone club has been doing it to immortalized the bonds of friendship between teammates and club members." He appeared smug, happy of the vision of an immortalized friendship. The red-haired imagined it as something akin to a manga, where the characters remained friends even after they had their families and their own lives. Like they were sewed together by destiny of some kind. It was natural for a person like him to imagine that sort of thing; he really never had permanent friends unless they were paid by his father or of the same caliber of him. Which, was extremely hard to find unless he'd look at his mirror all day.

Murasakibara raised his hand. "Will we be drawing blood and sharing it with each other?"

"That's unsanitary!" Midorima screamed.

Akashi shook his head, amused. "No, no, we won't be doing that sort of thing. That's one of the outdated practices of the ritual."

"Outdated?! What?!"

"Shintarou, please cease your screaming. If we get caught, we won't be able to do the ritual until next year."

"What exactly are we gonna do?" Kise asked. "Can we do it now, I don't want to stay here for any while longer. I heard there was a ghost of a dead girl who was heart broken cause her lover chose his ex than her."

"Are you sure that isn't Tetsu? and what kind of cheesy ghost story is that?" Aomine asked.

"You brute, don't demean a girl's aching heart!"

In the corner, Kuroko fell silent because he used to creep and scare the third stringers who used to bully him at night, and he doesn't want to admit to anyone that he had used a plot of a cheesy, B-rated, and definitely-not-for-your-kids-or-your-wife novel for the ghost alter ego's cover story. Not that he also wanted to admit that he'd been reading those kinds of books. It was embarrassing and he knew that Momoi won't even let him live out of that since she also reads those kinds of things.

"Now, now, settle down. It is time to perform the ritual. Everyone, form a circle and hold hands." Akashi instructed as he proceeded to draw something on the board.

"Cool! A magic circle, I've never seen one of those before!"

"Kise, scoot over. I'm holding hands with Tetsu!"

"No fair, I was here first."

"Both of you, don't _touch_ me."

"Leave Tetsu-kun alone!"

"Ew Murasakibara! Your hand is covered in /drool/!"

"Oh just shut up Mido-chin and take my hand."

_"Euhhhhhhhhh"_

"Ha. Midorima-kun, you sounded like a dying cat."

"Hahahaha. Tetsu-kun, so _morbid,_ ~"

"Hey Kise, I didn't know your hand is soft. Soft like a Mai-chan's boobs."

"Aomine-kun, _what_ "

"...Please don't make touch me ever again."

"Now we begin!" Akashi settled between Murasakibara and Aomine, and joined his hands with the two. "Chant and repeat after me: _'With these group of friends of mine, of which I hold hands with, please see it to bless our friendship with an eternal bond, by which no force or hand can break, no hammer can shatter, no lover can divide, no -_ "

"Jesus christ, Akashi, if you want us to chant with you, you have to break your sentences; no-one can repeat a run-on sentence" Aomine said, withholding 'you idiot' at the back of his tongue. To be honest, Aomine was more crankier than usual, irritable, if Akashi could say, but that is understandable. He did ask Satsuki to wake Aomine from the latter's slumber. He can forgive Daiki for now. So, tomorrow he'll punish Daiki.

"Of course, my apologies." Then, he did as Daiki had asked, and his friends repeated before him. Once the chant was done, everyone looked at each other, awkwardly trying to find a signal from their leader to stop holding hands. Midorima looked like he wanted to cry. His hand was stuck with Murasakibara's, and as Murasakibara's drool as adhesive.

After a few minutes, Akashi nodded and smiled. "The spirits have given us their blessing." Aomine looked at the red-head like he grew a second head.

"How the hell do you know?"

"The spirits have spoken to me. They approve of our friendship."

"...Okay, back up. What the f-"

"Akashi-kun, are you okay? Are you hearing things inside your head? You do know that normal people aren't supposed to hear things inside their head," Kuroko said. Everyone knew what Kuroko was implying. It wasn't hard to figure out. Everyone kind of knows, already.

"Tetsuya, I am in my perfect condition. And I do not hear things." Akashi shook his head, as if there is an inner joke that he's laughing at. Which was weird. Because normal people shouldn't be hearing things inside their head. Inner jokes are not funny in this context. "You do not hear the things I hear because you are not chosen."

"...Akashichii, you're creeping me out." Kise muttered.

"Why can't I be chosen?"

"Murasakibaracchi, that is not the point here!"

"The point is, how can you say 'Murasakarabacacchi' without stumbling at all. Seriously, _that's_ creeping me out. You're creeping me out, Kise-chin."

Midorima continued to cry.

Suddenly, Momoi whipped her head to the entrance. As if she has heard something. "Did you guys hear that?"

Akashi perked. "Oh, so you also hear them, Satsuki?"

"Okay, first of all, Akashi-kun, you need to see a psychiatrist. I see you talking to thin air as if Nijimura-senpai's there and that is not healthy-" Midorima sobs, as the mention of the former captain of Teiko makes Midorima remember the sense of normalcy in his middle school life. Now that the former captain is gone, normalcy went away as well. "second, I hear footsteps. We're not alone."

Kise shrieked. Kuroko jabbed the blonde in the ribs to silence the blonde. Kuroko wasn't scared. Nope. It wasn't a reflex because he was spooked out. Nope, nope.

"Quick, everyone, turn off your flashlights!" Akashi commanded. In a moment's notice, the classroom was enveloped in darkness, but the foot steps drew closer. Kise continued to crouch on the ground, making vomit sounds. What Kuroko didn't know was Kise may be releasing something more sinister on the bluenette's new shoes.

As a dark figure loomed at the doorway, Momoi finally felt the sense of fear that her childhood friend has always felt whenever she forces him to watch horror movies with her.

"It's a cliffhanger!" she shouted, because the author is a butt and won't give this fic a proper ending.

* * *

In America, Nijimura is very happy he is away from a certain group of rainbow-headed second years.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know what this is.


End file.
